How Do I Loathe Thee?

In a challenge offered by a fellow poet, I wrote “How Do I Loathe Thee.”

The challenge:

Write a poem to be the antithesis of a famous, historic poem.

(With sincere apology to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

The original by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

How Do I Love Thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

My response:

How Do I Loathe Thee?

How do I loathe thee? Let me shout for days.

I loathe thee to the height and left and right

The sky can stretch, while reaching for sun bright

For all the speeding cars a dog might chase.

I loathe thee beyond the luminous rays

Of searing sun. As 7-Up loathes Sprite.

I loathe thee surely as day turns to night.

I loathe thee truly as dark as night stays.

I loathe thee with such pure heartfelt disdain.

The fire of hell is cool when it's compared

To the searing, scalding and horrid pain

I would soon inflict if I only dared.

A thousand lashes from Singapore's cane

I shall loathe thee past when anyone cared!